Year End 2013 ... Where are We Now?

Time to relax and exhale after a very busy Christmas with 2 precious children! As I sit with my coffee (ahhh, caffeine!) and start writing, I take a moment to reflect back on the year ... 2013 has truly been the busiest year (aka the most stressful year) I can remember (Yes, even more stressful than living in Pakistan)! I mentally list all that has been accomplished … and, I’m amazed at how it has all gotten DONE! I chuckle to myself because after each year, I think that the “next” year will be less hectic, but with 2 children (1 now a “tween” & 1 now a “preschooler”) the “busy” just moves J! ...  I just take a deep breath, exhale and consider it ALL Joy! J

So, what has gotten done? Very exciting news! ... But we will get to that later ... Right now, the “precious-ness” of my children! 

Nicholas Ivan – turned 11 years old in December, entrenched now as a “tween”! and in the 5^th grade. He is just such a conversationalist and negotiator these days, knowing “something” about “everything”. I chuckle as I watch him ... “working out a deal” with Mama. He is still very active in sports; Baseball, Soccer, Basketball, Football. Baseball (Mar, Apr, May) and Football (Aug, Sep, Oct) rank up there as the favs these days. Using his soccer skills, he was field goal kicker for his football team ... and loved it! He still absolutely loves baseball, especially pitcher (his fav). He is talking about swimming as his next sport (can’t let his little sister swim past him!) or maybe karate or even cricket (from the Meghji family in Pakistan)! Who knows what is next? He is just an all-around sports nut! 

Mama however, keeps him grounded in other things too ... he also has a gift of music and art, and excels in so many other areas. He is in his 4^th year of piano and I just love to hear him play. His formal musical recital was in December and he played“Minuet in G” by Bach ... absolutely beautiful! He has also played in Chapel for school ... with his “buddies” tackling him afterwards (I think in “tween” language that means they were proud of him? J) He truly loves to just pluck out a tune, playing by ear ... such a wonderful gift. And, he also loves to draw ... many versions of cars, trucks, planes are displayed on the refrigerator! He has made “artist of the week” at school and I love to see his artwork come home. I’m building his “collection” to be framed and hung (a bigger house is needed!) Nick also participates in Webelos (Cub Scouts) and raced his pinewood derby car to several wins in January. Camping (Sept-Oct) has become a scouting activity, with Mama as his camping buddy in October. I was in Pakistan when he had his “Mommy and Me” campout (2011 Uppa D, cousin Dalend Baney, was Mommy’s substitute) so we made up for it this year. The weather was perfect, the scenic woods were picturesque, the stars were magnificent, the tent was comfortable with a warm fire outside ... and it didn’t rain (very important for Mama’s camping enjoyment!) I just have so much fun with my Nicholas ... He is just pure JOY and the Love of my Life! J

Marina Grace - Our "Gracy Girl" is now 4.5 years old, turning 4 in June. She is the “whirlwind” in our family (Mama has to stay about 2 steps ahead of her at all times!) She is so active she becomes a “blur” at times. She moves in a constant “skip” (she loves, loves, loves to skip). Our regular caution to Gracy is “Slow down, you’re moving too fast!” During January-May, Gymnastics, Swimming and Soccer were Gracy activities ... and she loved it all! During soccer games, she would hold hands with another little girl and skip up and down the field ... Too Cute! J During the summer she learned to ride her big-girl bike (with training wheels) and she “decided” she no longer needs to wear a life-jacket swimming (Mama, however,  is the final decider!). She has amazed us all with her swimming ability ... at 4 years old, she swims down to the bottom of the pool, turns summer saults and back flips under water (without holding her nose!) and her cannon ball is outstanding (not much splash for such a little girl, but her form is perfect!). She started full-time pre-school in August and loves every minute of it. She can count up to 20, sing her ABC song and write her name ... she is so proud! (Mama too). I again love the toddler run to Mama at pick-up time, the breath-taking hug, all smiles and sticky kisses! She loves to read books and our bedtime routine is very important to her with “read another book, Mama?” She is a petite, not a very big-around little girl, but all arms and legs! She has always had “no fear”, giving it her all, 100% ... trying everything and anything before she even thinks! (Mama’s prayer is “Lord, protect her & slow her down!”). Dancing and singing are also favorites and she started ballet and tap in September. She loves to put on a “show” for us and loves to dance as her big brother plays the piano (truly, it is the most entertaining show in town! J). She is still a very “girly-girl” loving dress-up, make-up (caught applying Mama’s make-up so many times!) and she loves to play with hair (she finally succeeded in cutting her hair, but Mama was able to “trim”). With her big, bright, beautiful brown eyes that just twinkle when she smiles and laughs ... long beautiful brown hair that just shines ... Gracy is just beautiful, adorable and precious! J

On her medical front, we do have a diagnosis for Gracy’s neurological condition, Ventriculomegaly. No one knows when or how, but a blockage was formed in the Cerebral Spinal System inside Gracy’s brain and created a pooling of the cerebral spinal fluid, expanding the CSF ventricles to accommodate the extra fluid. Although enlarged brain ventricles is a major symptom of Hydrocephalus (Pakistan diagnosis), Gracy does not exhibit any other symptoms of Hydrocephalus ... so a reduced diagnosis. She is expected to eventually grow into her 90+% sized head! J Gracy’s severe tongue tie is actually the more significant medical issue for her at this time. Her tongue was released (July 2011 in Pakistan) and her language acquisition/English comprehension is now 100% for a 4 year old, but she struggles with speech articulation (Mama translates!). So, Gracy is in speech therapy, working on speech articulation. She loves speech therapy (fun, fun, fun!) She has exceeded and gained in all areas. When I took custody of Gracy in January 2011, her height was < 2% on the growth chart and her weight was not even on the growth chart. After 17 months in Pakistan, major supplements, massive doses of vitamins and iron, she arrived in the US, 2012 at a whopping 25% for height and 15% for weight.  Now ... 1.5 years later, she has gained 6 pounds and grown 6 inches, she is now 50% height and weight, YEAH! She is and always has been just perfect! My baby girl is growing up so very fast ... She is just pure JOY and the Love of my Life! J

Katy Sue – On a very, very sad note ... we lost our doggie in April (April 13, 2001-April 5, 2013). After losing the battle with a tumor, Katy passed away in her sleep, on a warm spring night, she was 12 years old ... It is still very hard to comprehend the loss of Katy. She was my doggie, my 1^st born, my sweet Katy dog.  I grieve every day and I miss her so much . . .

Mama/Mommy/Mom – I’ll just copy from last year’s letter ... “The best word to describe my life these days ... Busy with a capital “B”! Busy with the children and Busy managing LIFE!” ... I’m trying to “reinvent” myself these days ... into what I’m not exactly sure ... but I’ll get there! J  As I said last year, “Life is about change and I simply embrace it with Joy.”

OK, so now for the exciting news about Gracy’s legal case! On September 27, 2013 a US adoption decree was granted and signed ... Marina Grace Baney became officially and legally my daughter and I became officially and legally her mother! J Such a surreal and amazing moment in time, after 4.5 years of obstacles! Yes, it has been an overwhelming, extremely busy and exhausting year with 3 different legal processes for Gracy’s case. First, in February, beginning a new US domestic Home Study, finally completed in June (US adoption requirement). Second, the US Petition for Adoption, completed in August, many document revisions later, we were surprised by the Oklahoma family courts with an expedited court hearing date in September! Third, Gracy’s US immigration dossier for US permanent residency and US citizenship (US adoption decree & certificate of foreign birth a requirement). This “last” completed dossier was sent to our immigration attorney early December. We are hoping to file with USCIS for residency and citizenship right after the 1^st of 2014! Then, a 3-6 month wait for the ruling. Gracy’s Humanitarian Parole expires late May, 2014 so timing will be very close. Many have asked ... (1) “Is this it?” and (2) “Can she still be deported?” Those answers are (1) Yes, this is it! The final step is her permanent residency and US citizenship. We are hoping for a favorable ruling, but also know it may take several attempts, due to the case’s history. (2) Yes, she can still be deported under certain circumstances, but probably unlikely that will happen (but, nothing surprises me anymore!). And, we will take it as it comes, as a FAMILY! I ask you to please keep us in your prayers as we cross the finish line with Gracy’s case. Please pray for softened hearts ... for a little girl’s best interests.

So, that has been Mama’s year, paperwork, documents and dossers ... #1, #2 and #3! And, of course, the joy of parenting Nicky and Gracy! ... Believe me, there were many, many plates spinning in the air, each one a very “full” plate! The family blog (nrbfamily.blogspot.com) is so out-of-date!, but if you would like to read our adoption stories, the blog still has the many details of 2007-2012. And, I have pictures and a few updates from 2012 to current date on Facebook (ID nbaney). As for, “The Book” ... well, we will see about that ... maybe 2014 will give me time to turn my attention to consider another major project?  J

Other events of the year – In February, G’ma came to visit and broke her leg! G’ma stayed in Tulsa for surgery and rehab for 3+ months. An unfortunate accident, but we thoroughly enjoyed G’ma every day during her extended stay, until late May when she was finally able to travel home to Nebraska. April was Gracy’s Pakistani “Gotcha Day”. In June, Gracy’s 4^th b-day with a long weekend and baseball tournament in Branson, MO /Silver Dollar City and FUN! In July, a 10-day vacation in Austin, TX with the Shorman’s (Mama’s sister) and so many fun activities (complete with iFLY, indoor sky diving for Nick!). August, start of 5^th grade for Nicky and pre-school for Gracy. September, is now “Gotcha Day” for BOTH children, we celebrated with another fun trip to Branson/Silver Dollar City in MO! “Gotcha Day” wouldn’t be complete without our traditional “balloon release” in honor of global orphans ... we somehow worked it all in! October, a much-needed, relaxing 2 week vacation for Mama in Dubai, UAE with Karim Meghji (owner of the amazing Pakistani guest house we stayed 2011-2012). He is wonderful “Papa” and we video chat every day!  November, a wonderful Thanksgiving trip to G’ma/G’pa’s farm (complete with horseback riding!). December, Nick’s b-day (wild sleepover!) and finally ending the year with an amazing Christmas and an ice storm that gave everything a sparkle and a magical touch!

Whew, 2013 is now over! As I look around me, I STILL see toys on the floor, dishes in the sink, laundry piled high . . . but, LIFE has finally normalized ... I think? We are healthy and happy, safe and warm , together as a family looking forward to a new year, 2014! And, above all else, we treasure ALL our wonderful Blessings ... health, accomplishment, growth, purpose, fellowship, faith, childhood, family, laughter and love. And, yes, moments of sadness, challenges, disappointment and pain, but opportunities for blessings as well.

Our Heavenly Father gives us a strong, steady spirit to move forward through it all.

“Count it ALL Joy . . . “ (James 1)

With love to all our family & friends,

Nancy, Nicky & Gracy Baney (& Uppa D)

 

   

Happy Holidays! ...

So, Here We Are . . . !

The blog has been silent for such a long time . . . however, my love for international adoption is still very much alive! I am now at a point where my spirit has encouraged me to again share my joyful journey with my cyber friends.

Much has happened over the last 20 + months (yes, it has been that long since I really posted!) So much in fact that I don’t really know where to begin, so forgive me if it just starts to pour out like a flood!

My son, Nicholas, as always, is my shining light . . . AND, over the last 2 years, the work to bring my precious daughter, our Sweet Pea . . . Marina Grace, home has never wavered.

So, where are we today???

Nicholas Ivan (Nicky) – is 8.5 years old & in the 3rd grade. He has transferred to a new school this year & these days he is in the major activities of school. He is a busy, busy little boy with his love of all sports, cars, construction & all that is “boy” (yes, dirt & gravel are high on the list!). He also “kinda” has a love of music & when he plays the piano . . . Wow! . . . To hear him play with such joy, just makes my heart sing (he isn’t quite sure yet if he loves it, but mama knows!). He is our resident meteorologist (loves the weather channel. Has his very own weather station, checks it every day) & his hand-eye coordination with a baseball & with his Nintendo DS is amazing (needless to say, he has used both a lot this summer!) His blue eyes just twinkle & he has the sweetest, kindest spirit. He is & always will be . . . pure joy . . . the love of my life!

Marina Grace (Gracy) – Our Sweet Pea! She turned 2 in June 2011. She is absolutely a precious, precious baby girl! Finally chubby in all the right places with beautiful smiles that just light up the day. Her big brown eyes just pull you into her “all-that-is-2” world. She is just so sweet; you want to “eat her up”. She loves to sing & dance! I just love to watch her all day long & never take my eyes off her because . . .

1) she is absolutely precious (have I said that already?!)

2) she is growing FAST!

3) she is non-stop action waiting to happen in the blink of an eye! She is a “happening” little tyke, doesn’t miss a beat & you have to be ready to “hit the ground running” from morning to night. And . . . I just absolutely LOVE her! She is & always will be . . . pure joy . . . the love of my life!!

Mama – trying my best to parent 2 children . . . in 2 different countries . . . on 2 different continents! I have now been living in Islamabad, Pakistan with Sweet Pea since Jan 2011, going on 10 months. Yes, Gracy’s adoption story is very long, complex & detailed. Over the course of future posts, I will share with you just how it has all come about . . . But, for right now, know that we are all doing our best, given our current situation. We have our daily "global" commute with each other through skype!

Uppa D – As always . . . there is our wonderful Uppa D . . . the constant co-parent to our family (my cousin, Dalend). He has shown his true loving heart over the last few months. First traveling with Mama to Pakistan for a 2 month stay . . . then returning home to live with Nicky in the US as a full-time caregiver. Yes, he is being "Mr. Mommy", but he truly is a “Daddy” in our family. When he was finally able to hold Sweet Pea once again, the tears in his eyes told me everything I needed to know. There are no words to describe what this loving man has selflessly given over the last 7+ years to this journey of international adoption. And even more so NOW, during this difficult family separation time. He has never once wavered in his commitment to our precious family & has graciously helped in trying to make the best of our current situation. An amazing man . . .

The “rest” of the family (US side) – G’ma, aunts, uncles, cousins . . . many old friends & new friends . . . all have been a constant support & encouragement over the last year. The wonderful technology of skype has kept us all connected . . . we are possibly closer now than ever before . . . who would have thought it possible . . . amazing . . . ?!!?

Our “new” Pakistani family – Papa Karim, Samir, Shelina . . . the g.house staff . . . St Thomas Church . . . our Pakistan barristers & “all” in Faisalabad have been right here with us in Pakistan. The perfect people, in the perfect place, in the perfect time! I’m so thankful & blessed.

God’s Love & Goodness have been a constant source of strength. My Faith keeps me steady & sincere Grace has been my beacon. The Truth will make itself known! I read recently “God doesn’t waste our sorrows, disappointments or strife”. I’m hanging on to this, knowing that the future holds great promise & opportunities for God’s glory to shine brightly.

So, here we are . . . a loving family taking on life’s challenges . . . step-by-step.

Mama :)

My Life-Changing Decision . . .

There is one defining moment that is life-changing. The decision to become a Parent, raise a Family. It is the moment you realize your focus has changed and another life will become eternally entwined with your own.

For me, a single adoptive parent, I remember the day vividly. I had tossed the idea back-n-forth for more than a year, since turning 40 years old . . .

But first, a little personal history - As a very young child and teenager, I loved babies. I loved to play with my Barbie doll and pretend she was a loving mommy and, of course, Ken was always close by being the perfect husband and daddy. I loved babysitting in high school. I loved rocking babies to sleep, thinking that one day, I would be rocking my own children. But, time marched on and "life" happened. I became a "career woman". I thought I had to make a choice - Career or Family. So, in my mind, I accepted my fate, I would never become a parent, it was out of my reach. The decisions I had made in my early adult life were not foundational for the responsibility of having a family. I never found the "right man" to create the necessary foundation for a family. At least that was what I had always been told. I'm the only single adult in my immediate family and one of the very, very few single adults in my extended family (out of 50 cousins, there are 2 of us!). Everyone just assumed I was not the family type, a committed single adult and I would never marry - therefore, never a family would be.

I guess I busy-ed myself with the work of "making it" in my career. Trying to cover up the childless pain I carried. I guess I just thought "This is as good as it gets". But, I didn't realize how much I was dying inside, just accepting that fate.

. . . So, now back to my year of contemplation at age 40-something! I had finally "come into my own", finally realized that I was successful because I was good at making decisions in my life. I was working very hard at my career, but I still felt a tremendous void. That void wasn't for a man in my life, it wasn't a void for a partner. I had many, many friends and adult associates . . . I was content with my adult relationships. And, I don't necessarily cringe at the thought of marriage (lol). (Yes, Mom, that means I promise I'm not giving up!) But, at 40+, I didn't find many 40+ men that wanted to start a family, especially usually a 2nd family. So, I started thinking of having a family as a single parent.

Being the analytic that I am, I took it ever so slow . . . researching all my options, IVF, Surrogate and Adoption (embryo/domestic/international). It took me well over a year to push through all the options. I remember the night, the moment, I finally made the "decision". For the nth time - I was laying wide-awake, late into the night, thinking it all through. Then it just hit me, "I'm doing this, I'm really doing this!" After that, the means of how it all happened was just a formality, because "I'm going to have a family!!!"

After a visit with a fertility doctor, I walked away with a new found, realistic understanding of my dream. Realizing the odds of conception were against me, I realized it wasn't about biology, it was about a precious parent/child relationship. It wasn't about knowing my child had my genetics (after all, they aren't that great - I'm really short!). It was about bringing a child into my life, fulfilling my need, fulfilling my nurturing, maternal spirit I knew was buried down deep inside. In the end, it came down to what path would guarantee a child and I fell in love with adoption - international adoption.

IA just touched my heart. Here was a "wanta-be-mama" that needed a child and there were children that needed a parent. It was a Win-Win situation.

I was on my way . . . to a life forever changed by a single moment in time, late one night, laying awake with only my heart's desire directing me. A final moment's decision to step out on my own and live MY life on MY terms realizing MY destiny!

Recently, at my son's Kindergarten graduation, this song played . . . I broke into tears . . . realizing I WAS living my dream . . . A dream I thought I would never have!


"One Moment In Time"
(Whitney Houston; by Hammand/Bettis)

"Each day I live
I want to be
A day to give
the best of me
I'm only one
But not alone
My finest day
is yet unknown.

I broke my heart
Fought every gain
to taste the sweet
I face the pain
I rise and fall
Yet through it all
This much remains.

I want one moment in time
When I'm more than I thought I could be
when all of my dreams are a heartbeat away
And the answers are all up to me.
Give me one moment in time
When I'm racing with destiny
then in that one moment of time
I will feel
I will feel eternity.

I've lived to be
the very best
I want it all
No time for less
I've laid the plans
now lay the chance
here in my hands.

Give me one moment in time
when I'm more than I thought I could be
When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away
And the answers are all up to me
Give me one moment in time
When I'm racing with destiny
Then in that one moment of time
I will feel
I will feel eternity!

You're a winner for a lifetime
If you seize that one moment in time
Make it shine . . .

Give me one moment in time
When I'm more than I thought I could be
When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away
And the answers are all up to me
Give me one moment in time
When I'm racing with destiny
then in that one moment of time . . .

I will be
I will be
I will be free

I will be
I will be free!"

Birth Family Search - Questions To Consider

I was asked recently to facilitate an adoption forum group discussion on Birth Family Searches. Below is the outline I used to create discussion. I thought it might facilitate appropriate questions for those who are considering a birth family search.

Birth Family Search

A. Eastern European Adoptions (Russia)

Closed adoptions

Many adoptive parents choose EE adoptions because they are closed. No birth family contact.

Birth Parents are not allowed to inquire about their children once parental rights are terminated.
i. Parental rights given up by birth parents
ii. Parental rights terminated by state
iii. According to Russian law, birth parents do not have the right to know what happens to their children & will not be told if the child is adopted.

Other family members may/may not be allowed to inquire about the children.

The Adoptive Family is the one in control. Only the Adoptive Family can provide & give accurate information about the adoption to the Birth Family.

B. Why do a Birth Family Search?

Your child is asking questions that you do not have adequate information to provide the answer for.

Finding other birth siblings still in orphanages
i. Ministry of Education (MOE) only – no birth family search
ii. Both MOE & birth family search.

Finding medical history of your child

Validating information in legal documents
i. birth certificates
ii. court transcripts

Finding & Recording very specific birth family information
i. Parents name & family members name
ii. Addresses & area where birth family lives
iii. Miscellaneous/general questions

Creating a connection with the birth family
i. 1 X Only
ii. Continuous

C. What are the adoptive family’s concerns about a Birth Family Search?

Is the Knowing better than the Not Knowing?

Will my role as the “parent” be challenged? How will it change?

What are the costs involved? - ranges from $500 to $2,000

What do I write in a birth family letter?

What if multiple b-siblings are found & available for adoption?

What if the birth family cannot be found?

What if the birth family is living an “unsocial way” of life?

What if the birth family asks for financial support?

What if the birth family wants the adoptive family’s specific information? - Name, address, etc.

What if the birth family wants visitation with the child?

D. Are you ready to do a Birth Family Search?

What is your motivation?

What is your emotional state?

E. How to Handle the Results of a Birth Family Search?

What do you need to be prepared for?

What are the emotions involved?

If the situation is needy - Do you offer financial support?

How does my role as “parent” change?

F. After the Birth Family Search – Were do you go from here?

Continuing contact?
i. At what point is the searcher no longer needed?
ii. At what point does the adoptive family give disclosure?

Continuing searches?
i. How long do you search?

Visitation?
i. When do you agree on visitation?

Heritage Trips?

G. How do I begin sharing the birth family information with my adoptive child?

Adoption foundation already laid at the time of adoption & on-going

As they ask questions

Age appropriate

This parent’s opinion & perception – “When I made the decision to adopt from Russia, I had no idea I would be given the birth family situation I received. However, God has a perfect plan for my family & I will trust Him to give us the “pieces” as we are ready. Our birth family search is truly a blessing not a burden. It is a combining of 2 families that dearly love a little boy & want the very best for him. I feel privileged to share this child with his birth family. I wholeheartedly encourage birth family searches. However, they must be done with appropriate timing, soul searching & gracious motivation."

“The KNOWING is so much better than the NOT KNOWING!”

Comments, anyone?

I have changed the comments settings so anyone can post a comment. Now, you DO NOT have to log in to leave a comment.

I would love for visitors to leave comments! Let me know who has been visiting the site?

Also, any suggestions are so appreciated. I'm going to TRY to keep more short, frequent updates on where I am in the process.

Adopt . . . Again?

My dream of parenthood took a different direction from what I envisioned 20 years ago as a young, twenty-something. I have not experienced the traditional way of creating a family; marriage, then pregnancy, and giving birth to children. I have, however, experienced the labor of preparing for the “birth”, the worry and concern of being a good parent, and most of all the love and joy of holding your child for the first time and then forever. I believe a family can be created in many different ways and however that happens, it is beautiful. It is All the Same just Different.

When I started down the adoption journey, I didn’t have a limit of just one child. When thinking about my family, I had always thought in terms of multiple children. However, in the world of international adoption, I knew countries could close their doors at anytime. I hoped and prayed I would be blessed with a sweet, little one before the potential of closed doors became a reality. I was simply taking it one step at a time, being flexible and open, not knowing where it would all lead. After I returned home from Russia with my beautiful baby boy, Nicholas, September 2004, I remember being overwhelmed and prayed, "Lord, help! If I can just get this one raised . . . " After 20+ years of a single lifestyle, this brand-new parent needed time to adjust to a new life with a child - just as much as Nicholas, torn from 2 life environments in less than 2 years, needed time to adjust to a new country, language and forever family with a mama. We both needed time to get all "settled in". But, over the next year, as time and daily schedules helped me relax into my new parenthood role, I grew to Love being a Mama. I finally realized, "Yeah, I'm good at this! I think I can do this with 2 children, one in each arm to love!"

I will admit and be honest. Being a single parent does take an extra measure of strength, energy and stamina. And, you quickly become a realist on what can be accomplished in a day. But, I have never done the easy thing. I have always relied on my inner strength and faith. On the days when night terrors or a fever have kept the baby up crying at night, work is pilled high, you need to be at the office in 15 minutes, and there doesn’t seem to be a moment of rest - I just remember, it is all about the bigger plan of a precious Family. In turn, it saves me.

I think the aching need of “child +” started in my heart when I learned of Artyom/Nicholas' two sisters. All three children lived together and then, just one day, were tragically separated. Since the moment I heard their story, I somehow felt my referral was not with just one child, but with three. I embraced all three children as my own; I simply took 1 home to live with me and the other 2 stayed behind in Russia. After 2 years research and finding out his two sisters are not eligible for adoption, I now grieve for the siblings my son has, but cannot share everyday life with. I know the story is not finished where this Shestakov family of three children is concerned. God will reunite this family, someday, someway. It just may not be in the way my mind has envisioned it. So, I have moved on . . . but I still yearn for other children.

So, much thought has gone into this decision to return to Russia and adopt, again. During the process of making this decision, I have asked myself over and over, what is my real motivation for doing this all again? My defining answer is simple, but powerful. Because I WANT to love and parent another child. And, because I CAN . . . I can help heal another child, I can watch in awe as another life changes and full potential is reached. That is Pure Joy for any parent. By being a simple vessel for giving, an amazing thing happens to me as well. I grow . . . in love, gentleness, wisdom and faith. In Russia - I experienced the tragedy of precious little lives, and it changed me, right down to my soul. I grew-up in my humanity. I saw how fragile life truly is for the innocent victims of our world - orphaned children. More than anything, I want to turn their tragedy into triumph. I cannot imagine a better way to give back to this earth. It is All so worth it!

And . . . I absolutely LOVE being a Mama.

Finding the "Mama" in Me . . .

I'm a Mama, yes, a MAMA! The word rolls off my tongue so easily these days. However, I do remember the first time that I dared dream such a thought, let alone say the beautiful word out loud. I laugh now because it all sounds like such a cliche, but true. It was the year 2000, I was 39 years old looking at 40 and I finally accepted the fact that as a successful woman, life was not complete for me. Mid-life questioning? I guess . . . Looking back, I vaguely remembered, somewhere in my 20's, the fantasy of the "Trilogy" - Marriage - Career - Parenthood. But, the reality of life took over and 20 years later, I stopped long enough to reflect and I found - incompleteness. Not totally understanding - I began with a dog. As I said, I'm the cliche (ha!). My 1st born, Katy Sue, although a beautiful, loving companion - a dog did not a completed family make. Finally, I was able to admit that I truly wanted a child. First, just a sprinkle of admitted thought - I want to be a Mama. Then a downpour of confirmation - I WANT TO BE A MAMA! The thought firmly took hold. The soul searching took another 2 years before I was completely ready to step out in faith, down a path that would change my life forever. I researched every available option, visited with many professionals and decided to walk down the path of single parenthood through international adoption. I was drawn and called to the abandoned orphans of our world. Little did I know the amount of faith, strength and perseverance I would need. I was finally able to realize my dream and adopt internationally from Russia. In hindsight, I realize it was God's "krasiva" (beautiful) plan unfolding.

Many ask me when was the moment that "I knew". I remember it like yesterday . . . It was on a return flight from a business trip to LA. I "accidentally" sat next to a very cheerful couple who, with joy spilling over them, shared their exciting news. They were leaving the following week to adopt their baby girl. Needless to say, I had a hundred and one questions to ask them. They spent the 3 1/2 hour flight sharing with me about the wonderful journey of international adoption. I stepped off the airplane with a spring in my step, firmly committed to my decision. I was at peace and finally ready. A couple of months later, 6/2003, I had signed with an international adoption agency, I was on my way to realizing my dream of a family!

I traveled to Russia and adopted a year later in August/September 2004. There are no words to describe that initial feeling of "Mama". That precious word is now a large part of who I am and it is wonderful to claim it as part of me. As I write it in my life's resume, I treasure the simple word with such a huge meaning. The power and simplicity of this 4-letter word . . . has changed me.

I can truly say, I am so blessed to have created my family through international adoption. It has created so much personal growth in my own life's journey and I am a better human being on the planet because of this incredible experience. God has used me, yes simple, incomplete me, to be the vessel for helping our world's abandoned children. I sat playing on the floor among these children and saw the look and behavior of abandonment, something I will never, ever forget. To experience abandoned children so starved for love, for Mama . . . no adult could or should forget. Many of these children will slip through the cracks of life, not belonging to anyone or anything.

My journey to parenthood started out with being all about me, my void, my lack of, my incompleteness . . . all very valid, important motives. But, God had a bigger plan and has used my adoption experience to help me understand what should be beyond my journey to parenthood. It is the outward focus, the outward vision - for others. No matter what is going on in our lives, there is opportunity to serve, to become part of a bigger picture and plan. In doing so, we save ourselves, from ourselves.

Yes, I am finally a Mama, but so much more . . .