Adopt . . . Again?

My dream of parenthood took a different direction from what I envisioned 20 years ago as a young, twenty-something. I have not experienced the traditional way of creating a family; marriage, then pregnancy, and giving birth to children. I have, however, experienced the labor of preparing for the “birth”, the worry and concern of being a good parent, and most of all the love and joy of holding your child for the first time and then forever. I believe a family can be created in many different ways and however that happens, it is beautiful. It is All the Same just Different.

When I started down the adoption journey, I didn’t have a limit of just one child. When thinking about my family, I had always thought in terms of multiple children. However, in the world of international adoption, I knew countries could close their doors at anytime. I hoped and prayed I would be blessed with a sweet, little one before the potential of closed doors became a reality. I was simply taking it one step at a time, being flexible and open, not knowing where it would all lead. After I returned home from Russia with my beautiful baby boy, Nicholas, September 2004, I remember being overwhelmed and prayed, "Lord, help! If I can just get this one raised . . . " After 20+ years of a single lifestyle, this brand-new parent needed time to adjust to a new life with a child - just as much as Nicholas, torn from 2 life environments in less than 2 years, needed time to adjust to a new country, language and forever family with a mama. We both needed time to get all "settled in". But, over the next year, as time and daily schedules helped me relax into my new parenthood role, I grew to Love being a Mama. I finally realized, "Yeah, I'm good at this! I think I can do this with 2 children, one in each arm to love!"

I will admit and be honest. Being a single parent does take an extra measure of strength, energy and stamina. And, you quickly become a realist on what can be accomplished in a day. But, I have never done the easy thing. I have always relied on my inner strength and faith. On the days when night terrors or a fever have kept the baby up crying at night, work is pilled high, you need to be at the office in 15 minutes, and there doesn’t seem to be a moment of rest - I just remember, it is all about the bigger plan of a precious Family. In turn, it saves me.

I think the aching need of “child +” started in my heart when I learned of Artyom/Nicholas' two sisters. All three children lived together and then, just one day, were tragically separated. Since the moment I heard their story, I somehow felt my referral was not with just one child, but with three. I embraced all three children as my own; I simply took 1 home to live with me and the other 2 stayed behind in Russia. After 2 years research and finding out his two sisters are not eligible for adoption, I now grieve for the siblings my son has, but cannot share everyday life with. I know the story is not finished where this Shestakov family of three children is concerned. God will reunite this family, someday, someway. It just may not be in the way my mind has envisioned it. So, I have moved on . . . but I still yearn for other children.

So, much thought has gone into this decision to return to Russia and adopt, again. During the process of making this decision, I have asked myself over and over, what is my real motivation for doing this all again? My defining answer is simple, but powerful. Because I WANT to love and parent another child. And, because I CAN . . . I can help heal another child, I can watch in awe as another life changes and full potential is reached. That is Pure Joy for any parent. By being a simple vessel for giving, an amazing thing happens to me as well. I grow . . . in love, gentleness, wisdom and faith. In Russia - I experienced the tragedy of precious little lives, and it changed me, right down to my soul. I grew-up in my humanity. I saw how fragile life truly is for the innocent victims of our world - orphaned children. More than anything, I want to turn their tragedy into triumph. I cannot imagine a better way to give back to this earth. It is All so worth it!

And . . . I absolutely LOVE being a Mama.