Finding the "Mama" in Me . . .

I'm a Mama, yes, a MAMA! The word rolls off my tongue so easily these days. However, I do remember the first time that I dared dream such a thought, let alone say the beautiful word out loud. I laugh now because it all sounds like such a cliche, but true. It was the year 2000, I was 39 years old looking at 40 and I finally accepted the fact that as a successful woman, life was not complete for me. Mid-life questioning? I guess . . . Looking back, I vaguely remembered, somewhere in my 20's, the fantasy of the "Trilogy" - Marriage - Career - Parenthood. But, the reality of life took over and 20 years later, I stopped long enough to reflect and I found - incompleteness. Not totally understanding - I began with a dog. As I said, I'm the cliche (ha!). My 1st born, Katy Sue, although a beautiful, loving companion - a dog did not a completed family make. Finally, I was able to admit that I truly wanted a child. First, just a sprinkle of admitted thought - I want to be a Mama. Then a downpour of confirmation - I WANT TO BE A MAMA! The thought firmly took hold. The soul searching took another 2 years before I was completely ready to step out in faith, down a path that would change my life forever. I researched every available option, visited with many professionals and decided to walk down the path of single parenthood through international adoption. I was drawn and called to the abandoned orphans of our world. Little did I know the amount of faith, strength and perseverance I would need. I was finally able to realize my dream and adopt internationally from Russia. In hindsight, I realize it was God's "krasiva" (beautiful) plan unfolding.

Many ask me when was the moment that "I knew". I remember it like yesterday . . . It was on a return flight from a business trip to LA. I "accidentally" sat next to a very cheerful couple who, with joy spilling over them, shared their exciting news. They were leaving the following week to adopt their baby girl. Needless to say, I had a hundred and one questions to ask them. They spent the 3 1/2 hour flight sharing with me about the wonderful journey of international adoption. I stepped off the airplane with a spring in my step, firmly committed to my decision. I was at peace and finally ready. A couple of months later, 6/2003, I had signed with an international adoption agency, I was on my way to realizing my dream of a family!

I traveled to Russia and adopted a year later in August/September 2004. There are no words to describe that initial feeling of "Mama". That precious word is now a large part of who I am and it is wonderful to claim it as part of me. As I write it in my life's resume, I treasure the simple word with such a huge meaning. The power and simplicity of this 4-letter word . . . has changed me.

I can truly say, I am so blessed to have created my family through international adoption. It has created so much personal growth in my own life's journey and I am a better human being on the planet because of this incredible experience. God has used me, yes simple, incomplete me, to be the vessel for helping our world's abandoned children. I sat playing on the floor among these children and saw the look and behavior of abandonment, something I will never, ever forget. To experience abandoned children so starved for love, for Mama . . . no adult could or should forget. Many of these children will slip through the cracks of life, not belonging to anyone or anything.

My journey to parenthood started out with being all about me, my void, my lack of, my incompleteness . . . all very valid, important motives. But, God had a bigger plan and has used my adoption experience to help me understand what should be beyond my journey to parenthood. It is the outward focus, the outward vision - for others. No matter what is going on in our lives, there is opportunity to serve, to become part of a bigger picture and plan. In doing so, we save ourselves, from ourselves.

Yes, I am finally a Mama, but so much more . . .