Hello, from Pakistan - Nicholas & Baseball

I missed a very important summer milestone in my Nicky’s life this last week . . .

Saturday (6/26) – Nicky participated in the Tulsa Little League Pitch, Hit & Run Challenge. He is such a baseball lover . . . anytime he gets to “play ball” he is all about it! He won 2 trophies - 2nd in the Pitch & 2nd in the Run. Nicky tells me that he was in the top 5 for quite a while in the Hit category. He was so excited & practically wanted to sleep with his trophies Sat night! We are all so very proud of our little baseball player! Mama is very, very proud! I just wished I could have been there to see it ALL! :)

A WHITE Winter Wonderland . . .

In Honor of our Wonderful Holiday Snow Storm . . .

And, Nicky's favorite carol . . .

HAPPY HOLIDAYS !!!

Make photo slide shows at www.OneTrueMedia.com

It is snowing on Christmas Eve for the 1st time in many, many years! A white Christmas.

One of Nicky's Christmas wishes - SNOW - so he could play in the white stuff & build a snowman with Mama, while we both are on holiday & have the time to PLAY! He has definately gotten his wish . . . 8 inches expected by morning. In addition to Christmas tomorrow - we will have a fun snow day.

Now . . . where did I put those insulated gloves? Does Nicky have snow boots that still fit him??? Where did I put my snow boots . . .???

I'm sitting quietly, watching it come down - pure and white - untouched, no footprints - it is Beautiful!

Merry Christmas!

Mama & Nicky

New Cameras . . .

Here are a couple of other items I have purchased for the trip - - New Cameras!

I have been practicing with Nicholas!!! He is such a beautiful child, I can never have enough pictures! Of course, he just says "Ahhh, Mama, not pictures AGAIN!"

New Nikon CoolPix Camera - Picture of new soccer season & uniform (before 1st game!).

1st game of the season!

School Days . . . ETS - brand new school!

Well, we have definately reached a milestone! Nicky has transitioned to First Grade and a brand new school this year.

It was bittersweet to leave the wonderful little daycare/school that we have attended for the last 4.5 years! Everyone (parents, children & teachers) said tearful goodbyes August 7, the last day!

And . . . now we begin a new chapter in our book of SCHOOL! Nicholas is attending a wonderful, private school close to our home. There are 8 children in his 1st grade class and he is doing just great! It was a transition with adjustment to a "real" school environment. He is one of the "little ones" again with the school going all the way through to 12th grade. He is wearing a uniform (he is just sooo cute in it!), taking his lunch everyday, no more afternoon naps and . . . doing HOMEWORK! But, my little guy is just doing great!

Here are some "New School" pictures!


Unpacking new backpack & uniforms!

School Supplies!

"First Day of School"



































And . . . another one, just because . . . it was too cute to leave out!

Reminiscing . . . THE CALL

I have some good friends currently in Russia on their 1st trip meeting their 2.5 year-old daughter. (Thanks, Sherrie, for letting me live vicariously through you right now!!) I am so excited for them - on pins-n-needles waiting for news. Their situation is very similar to mine - they previously adopted a baby boy from Russia and now they are adopting a baby girl. Like me, they also have waited for over 2 years as well. I’ll admit, when I first read the email that they had received “the call”, I felt “why not me” (for 2 seconds . . . ok 3.). It is hard to read/hear of families traveling. But, the reality is, “It is their time, not mine.” I have grown to love the families that I share this incredibly, humbling journey of “wait” with . So, I try to objectively separate my own painful wait-feelings so I can respectfully share in the joy of their moment.

Having experienced the joy of International Adoption before, I can tell you, there is nothing like finally receiving “the call”! It is just amazing and such a surreal moment. Breaking the long wait with the call, is a foretaste to the once-in-a-lifetime moment when you will finally meet your child for the 1st time. Knowing it is finally REAL can literally take your breath away and make you weak in the knees. Most PAP's will remember the EXACT moment, where they were and who they were with, when the call finally comes.

So, during the painful “its not fair” part of this process . . . I decided to reminisce this afternoon . . . It helps me . . . I hope it helps you!

I remember it like yesterday . . . it was a Friday afternoon, mid July, and I was at work. During the summer, we have Friday afternoons off. So, not many were in the office. I was taking advantage of the quiet and peace of the uninterrupted afternoon. I was heads-down, totally focused, busy working on a project that had a looming deadline. I was deep in a difficult program’s procedure, trying to write and debug some complicated code.

At this point in time, my wait was over 7 months. I remember just a couple days before, on Wednesday, having a total melt-down over the “wait”. In 2004 a 7.5 month wait was a long wait, especially dossiers with no gender specification, like my dossier. I cried, knowing others with later dossiers were receiving their referrals before me (watching others go before me just seems to be part of my process, lol). After having a major crying spell, I once again poured myself into my work.

So, there I was, sitting at my desk . . . Friday, July 16, 2004, 2:00 p.m. . . . when the phone rang. I was just going to let it roll to my voice mail since I was totally deep in my program's code and didn’t want to be distracted. Nonchalantly, I looked up on the 3rd ring. I immediately snapped out of my work stupor as I noticed the caller ID was my agency’s phone number. Now, my agency had called me many times before, but somehow I knew this call was different. There were no outstanding documents to send, no outstanding issues to discuss. Somehow, I just KNEW this was IT. In a split second, a wave of adrenalin shot through me, starting at my toes and finally hitting the ends of my fingertips. My fingers were fumbling with the phone and I almost dropped the receiver while trying to keep it from rolling over to voice mail. I heard the precious words I had waited so long to hear. My case worker’s cheerful voice said, “Nancy, are you ready to go to Russia?” I remember the choking sob of joy in my throat, the elated feeling, the relief! I remember, LOL, trying to find my “green notebook” that I kept notes in for the adoption. It was my bible for recording anything and everything that I needed to do adoption-wise. Once again, I fumbled, trying to find the notebook, as well as, listen to my case worker at the same time. Only a few seconds had gone by, but it felt like time moved into slow motion and, to this day, I remember EVERY split second of answering that phone call.

I remember the questions I asked:
“What is the baby’s age?” – “No information”
“What is the baby’s gender?” - “No information”
“Are there medicals?” – “No medicals”
“Do you have ANY information on the baby?” - “Sorry, No information”
A total BLIND referral – Naively, I didn’t care, I was FINALLY going to see my child!

After talking about the timeline of the travel dates and travel instructions, I was in a dream state. The call lasted exactly 15 minutes. I know because I looked at the clock when I hung up, wanting to record the exact time. I sat in my chair with tears of relief rolling down my face. After a couple of minutes, the relief subsided and the incredible joy took over. I finally found my legs and I started dancing around my office, shouting for joy. Remember, I thought I was all by myself that afternoon - however, LOL, I wasn’t. One of my co-workers, close-by was there that Friday afternoon too. When she heard me, she poked her head into my office and saw me dancing and jumping around! When I saw her, I stopped, but then I just didn’t care who saw me. I grabbed her, hugged her and squealed “I got the call, I got THE CALL!” We held hands, jumping up/down. Thank you, Leann, for sharing in my special moment of joy!

I will never, ever forget that moment of “the call” – just one of the many “frozen-in-time” moments of becoming a parent to Artyom Victorovich/Nicholas Ivan, my beautiful, darling son.

I relive that precious moment now – Knowing it WILL come again, a 2nd time, for my precious daughter. For some reason, I am destined to endure long waits for my children. The reason why is still obscure and hidden from me. One day, I believe God will open my eyes/heart with the knowledge of that reason. In the meantime, "the call" will come in its own way, its own time – God’s perfect timing. So, I step back and reminisce, shed a few tears, take a deep breath, busy myself with living and . . .

. . . graciously endure these painful "its not fair" days, weeks, months, yes, even years.

. . . patiently wait for my precious daughter .

. . . joyfully watch other families travel .

And, when THE CALL does fianlly come, I'll be shouting for joy, doing the happy dance! Nicky and I have been practicing all afternoon!

The Birth Family - The Personal Before & After?

End Result:
The knowing is so much better than the not knowing.

However . . .

Before:
You meet this beautiful, wonderful child . . . Love! It is all that you have dreamed of and more. Total Commitment. Everything that comes with this child can and will be dealt with, everything. There is no going back, no desire to go back. It is a perfect fit, finally a family.

According to the child’s file, there is sketchy birth family information. Almost none, really. Two older siblings - all 3 children removed from the home environment and placed in orphanages with parental rights terminated by the state. Why? The only answer given, “unsocial way of life”. What does that mean? Your mind races with different explanation scenarios. But, you have already fallen in love, no turning back, even if the truth were known. You move forward, once again knowing, everything can be dealt with.

In court, you finally hear the explanation – the dysfunctional explanation. But, a second later, the judge asks you “Do you wish to adopt this child as your own?” Without hesitation you answer yes in Russian, “Da”. Once again, everything that comes with this child can be dealt with.

The two older siblings (sisters) work their way into your mother’s heart. You have to find them and know they are alright. Possibly adopt them too? Perhaps! However, the finding them is difficult, to say the least – after 2 years trying to work with the MOE, you are told to “forget the girls”.

You decide to go a different way – A Birth Family Search. Something you knew you would eventually do, but not this early in Nicholas’ life! Honestly, you wanted to enjoy the innocent fantasy of his past. Not knowing meant – innocent time. You move forward anyway, for the sake of 2 missing sisters.

The report comes back quickly. The birth mother is very easy to find. She is very willing to share the “why”. All of a sudden, after 2+ years, you are sitting at your computer faced with the TRUTH. All you have to do is open up the attached report and begin reading. In those few seconds of before-knowing, you go through many emotions. Excitement - the 2+ year search for the sisters is possibly, finally over? Fear - will Nicholas look like his birth parents? Tears start forming at that thought (everyone, as well as you, believes he looks just like you!). So many emotions experienced in just a few seconds. Tears begin to surface. You gather all your reserve and open the report!

After:
The facts of the report hit hard. The tears begin falling. Nicholas has 2 mothers, yes, 2 mothers. You are finally faced with that very real fact. She was/is his mother and she does still love him. His birth environment was and still is unhealthy for a child. Tears of thankfulness to the Russian government for removing the children from the home environment and thankfulness to the baby house that took care of him & nursed him back to health. Certainly an institution is not an ideal living situation for any child, but in some cases, a much better choice. You read it all over again, knowing it will be many days and weeks of re-reading before it will all finally become real.

In less than 4 weeks, all the unknown is known!

It takes huge growth for an adoptive parent to recognize the life before "Gotcha Day". You grieve that you are not your son's mother from birth, but those are the facts and you come to respect his birth family for giving him life. His birth mother holds his past during his 1st year of life. She has the physical memories of carrying him during pregnancy, his 1st smile, 1st tooth. You hold his future from 18 months old and beyond. You know his 1st words, 1st pony ride, 1st day of school. The truth is - BOTH mothers can share in the life of this precious child.

Your family is now completely tied to this other family. There is no turning back, no regrets. This birth family is now an extension of Your family. It is a miracle that the information came into your life so easily, as if meant to be. You take it as it comes, knowing God gives what He knows we can handle. The fact is, this is Nicholas’ story, not yours. Your part of his life began at adoption. This part of his story began at birth, with his birth family. These facts are his alone. You are only the caretaker of this information for him.

Everything, can and will be dealt with.

My "Krasiva Syn" (beautiful son) . . .

(Reprint of article for CHI monthly newsletter - Tuesday, April 12, 2005)

Forever Joined In Love

My heart was pounding with anticipation. The long-awaited door opened. There he was! I bent down, with my outstretched arms. His big, bright-blue eyes slowly, carefully looked up at me. I saw the weight and pain of abandonment on his beautiful, innocent, baby face. Our eyes met . . . our hearts connected . . . the wonderful bond of love began. After a moment of hesitation, he gingerly, stepped forward, on one-year-old-toddler’s unsteady legs, into my waiting arms. As I wrapped my arms of love around him and pulled him close, wonderful tears of joy worked their way past my composed smile. Life stood completely still and this special once-in-a-lifetime-moment was frozen in time. After placing a mother’s tender kiss on his forehead, I gently whispered in his ear, “I’m your Mamma. I love you.” The rest of the world ceased to exist and I was conscious of only one thought, “For two years I carried this child in my heart, and this moment of “birth” makes us a precious family.”

A family is created in many different ways, but however procreation happens, what a wonderful, spiritual experience. As with any birth, there truly are no words to explain the rush of love when a child is placed in your arms. Parenthood became a reality for me through the joy of international adoption and what an incredible journey it has been. The country Russia is the birthplace of my son, Artyom Victorovich and the United States is where my son, Nicholas Ivan will grow to adulthood. He is both Russian and American, citizens of both countries for life.

After making the decision to adopt and researching international adoption agencies for several months, my heart was drawn to the orphans of Russia, a country where unemployment is high, alcoholism is commonplace, and thousands of children are left abandoned and institutionalized in baby houses and children’s orphanages. I wanted to make a difference in a waiting child’s life. It was the beginning of a wonderful journey of Love. When I began compiling my adoption dossier, early 2003, it was an overwhelming task of preparing documents: INS fingerprints, background reviews and endless notarized signatures. But, the end was always kept in mind, and a year later my dossier was complete. Late December, 2003, my precious dossier was sent to the Russian Region of Kemerovo, located in Siberia. With a mother’s faithful prayer and kiss on the front of the sealed envelope, my priceless documents left my hands. The hard part, however, was yet to come, the Wait . . .

I received the “call” from CHI (Children's Hope International) in mid July, 2004. My child was living in a Baby Home in the city of Novokuznetsk in south Siberia. The Wait was finally over. My life immediately became a whirlwind of activity preparing for the trips to Russia. Mid August was my goal and the travel date marked on my calendar.

To adopt in Russia, two trips in-country are required. The first is to meet the child and sign the “Petition to Court”, which begins the legal adoption process in Russia. This first trip is a week of grueling travel, sleepless nights and jet lag; nine hours from New York to Moscow, another four hours from Moscow to Novokuznetsk. Along with the air travel, come time zone changes and cultural differences. This was my first international trip overseas combined with becoming a new parent. Stepping off the plane onto Russian soil was a surreal experience for this Nebraska farm-girl. Once the plane landed in Novokuznetsk, though physically tired, excitement grew during the short, but incredibly long drive to the baby house. Literally, all was forgotten when I met my child for the first time. The joy of that moment superceded the enormous effort of literally traveling around the world.

The signed “Petition to Court” is combined with the translated dossier of the adoptive parent(s) to complete the court’s file. After four to eight weeks required for processing the adoption, a Russian court hearing is scheduled. The second trip is usually a total of 2-3 weeks, 1-2 weeks for the court hearing in the Kemerovo region; and another week for finalizing documents through the American Embassy in Moscow. After the court hearing, once the adoption decree is signed, the child can officially leave the baby house with the adoptive parent(s). Up until that time, I could only visit him for a couple of hours each day.

It was a Friday morning, when I walked into the baby house to say good-bye to the loving caregivers that took care of my little boy for several months. It was a wonderful day to finally hold him forever, but it was also emotional and many tears were shed, both Russian and American. As difficult as saying good-bye was, Artyom, now also, Nicholas, was leaving for a secure, loving home, his forever family. The hearts of the caregivers were broken, but hopeful for all the children in Baby House #2. I have special memories of everyone, but I will never forget “Babushka” (grandmother). She met us that special day at the gate to let us into the baby house. Her bright smile and ready kiss welcomed us. As I walked out of Baby House #2, with my son, tears of joy and sadness rolled down our faces, as she hugged and kissed little Tyoma (baby home nickname) for the last time. We spent the next few days in Novokuznetsk and in Kemerovo finalizing documents needed for Moscow. We then flew back to Moscow for the final week to complete the American Embassy requirements and finalize exit documents for Nicholas to leave Russia.

After two life-changing, schedule-driven weeks, we were finally ready to leave Moscow to fly home. Leaving Russia was bittersweet. Excited as I was to have my son with me, I also knew I was taking him from his birth country, not knowing when he would return. Over the course of my two trips, I had grown to love this country that had so graciously given me my son. So, with mixed emotions, we strolled through the narrow streets of Moscow for the last time, memorizing the sights and sounds. As with any toddler, not conscious of the implications of the afternoon’s flight, Nicky stopped to play in the Russian dirt of a cathedral garden. So, symbolically, we scooped up the precious dirt to take home. The flight back to New York City was an unusual day of sunshine for us. As you travel back through time zones, the sun literally never sets. It was a sign of our future together, full of sunny days of love and laughter. We had a wonderful greeting party of family and friends awaiting us at the airport, anxious to meet little Nicholas for the first time. September 24, 2004, we were finally home.

These days, Russia seems far away as our busy, daily schedule has taken over. But, as I rock and tuck Nicholas into bed each night, my mind always revisits those two weeks, two months, and two years that began our special adoption journey. Life has wonderfully changed, for a little boy and a want-a-be mama. For both of us, our dreams came true in a country so far, far away. We will forever think of Russia with Love.

Both chosen from Heaven above . . . Our Hearts forever joined in Love!