My Life-Changing Decision . . .

There is one defining moment that is life-changing. The decision to become a Parent, raise a Family. It is the moment you realize your focus has changed and another life will become eternally entwined with your own.

For me, a single adoptive parent, I remember the day vividly. I had tossed the idea back-n-forth for more than a year, since turning 40 years old . . .

But first, a little personal history - As a very young child and teenager, I loved babies. I loved to play with my Barbie doll and pretend she was a loving mommy and, of course, Ken was always close by being the perfect husband and daddy. I loved babysitting in high school. I loved rocking babies to sleep, thinking that one day, I would be rocking my own children. But, time marched on and "life" happened. I became a "career woman". I thought I had to make a choice - Career or Family. So, in my mind, I accepted my fate, I would never become a parent, it was out of my reach. The decisions I had made in my early adult life were not foundational for the responsibility of having a family. I never found the "right man" to create the necessary foundation for a family. At least that was what I had always been told. I'm the only single adult in my immediate family and one of the very, very few single adults in my extended family (out of 50 cousins, there are 2 of us!). Everyone just assumed I was not the family type, a committed single adult and I would never marry - therefore, never a family would be.

I guess I busy-ed myself with the work of "making it" in my career. Trying to cover up the childless pain I carried. I guess I just thought "This is as good as it gets". But, I didn't realize how much I was dying inside, just accepting that fate.

. . . So, now back to my year of contemplation at age 40-something! I had finally "come into my own", finally realized that I was successful because I was good at making decisions in my life. I was working very hard at my career, but I still felt a tremendous void. That void wasn't for a man in my life, it wasn't a void for a partner. I had many, many friends and adult associates . . . I was content with my adult relationships. And, I don't necessarily cringe at the thought of marriage (lol). (Yes, Mom, that means I promise I'm not giving up!) But, at 40+, I didn't find many 40+ men that wanted to start a family, especially usually a 2nd family. So, I started thinking of having a family as a single parent.

Being the analytic that I am, I took it ever so slow . . . researching all my options, IVF, Surrogate and Adoption (embryo/domestic/international). It took me well over a year to push through all the options. I remember the night, the moment, I finally made the "decision". For the nth time - I was laying wide-awake, late into the night, thinking it all through. Then it just hit me, "I'm doing this, I'm really doing this!" After that, the means of how it all happened was just a formality, because "I'm going to have a family!!!"

After a visit with a fertility doctor, I walked away with a new found, realistic understanding of my dream. Realizing the odds of conception were against me, I realized it wasn't about biology, it was about a precious parent/child relationship. It wasn't about knowing my child had my genetics (after all, they aren't that great - I'm really short!). It was about bringing a child into my life, fulfilling my need, fulfilling my nurturing, maternal spirit I knew was buried down deep inside. In the end, it came down to what path would guarantee a child and I fell in love with adoption - international adoption.

IA just touched my heart. Here was a "wanta-be-mama" that needed a child and there were children that needed a parent. It was a Win-Win situation.

I was on my way . . . to a life forever changed by a single moment in time, late one night, laying awake with only my heart's desire directing me. A final moment's decision to step out on my own and live MY life on MY terms realizing MY destiny!

Recently, at my son's Kindergarten graduation, this song played . . . I broke into tears . . . realizing I WAS living my dream . . . A dream I thought I would never have!


"One Moment In Time"
(Whitney Houston; by Hammand/Bettis)

"Each day I live
I want to be
A day to give
the best of me
I'm only one
But not alone
My finest day
is yet unknown.

I broke my heart
Fought every gain
to taste the sweet
I face the pain
I rise and fall
Yet through it all
This much remains.

I want one moment in time
When I'm more than I thought I could be
when all of my dreams are a heartbeat away
And the answers are all up to me.
Give me one moment in time
When I'm racing with destiny
then in that one moment of time
I will feel
I will feel eternity.

I've lived to be
the very best
I want it all
No time for less
I've laid the plans
now lay the chance
here in my hands.

Give me one moment in time
when I'm more than I thought I could be
When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away
And the answers are all up to me
Give me one moment in time
When I'm racing with destiny
Then in that one moment of time
I will feel
I will feel eternity!

You're a winner for a lifetime
If you seize that one moment in time
Make it shine . . .

Give me one moment in time
When I'm more than I thought I could be
When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away
And the answers are all up to me
Give me one moment in time
When I'm racing with destiny
then in that one moment of time . . .

I will be
I will be
I will be free

I will be
I will be free!"