Enduring the "Wait" . . .

I thought - I was even assured - I would have my baby girl this Christmas. She is not here yet. We have no idea when she will be home. No one can really say when, not even my adoption agency. And, wonderful as this time of the year is, I was a bit blue this Christmas season.

I know . . . it is wonderful, that I have a family to share this time of the year with. My sweet little boy, Nicholas, is absolute joy, pure joy. Without him, Christmas would not have the spirit that only a child can bring. I am so very, very thankful for my sweet boy. Just becoming a parent has brightened my Christmas season. I remember that 1st Christmas with Nicholas, so amazing and wonderful. . .

This year, I had beautiful matching Christmas outfits for my children for our Christmas picture card. I had purchased matching Christmas stockings. I even had purchased my daughter’s 1st doll. I tried to move through the season with joy, but I did shed a tear as I packed the beautiful Christmas dress and baby doll away . . . hoping to use it next year?

As wonderful as Christmas was - someone was missing this year.

With my 1st adoption in 2004, I thought the wait would never end. I waited, from beginning to end - 15 months; from “paper pregnant” (dossier completion) - only 10 months. I can say only now. I smile at the memory of so many tears during the agonizing 10 month wait. With this second adoption, I have been waiting - 2 years; from “paper pregnant” - 18 months. It has been a long wait and no real definite end in sight. I’m told maybe by July. Another 7 months! However, it could be anytime. There has been a part of my life that has been on hold for 2 years now!

I think only those that have “waited” through the adoption process can truly understand my melancholy feeling. International Adoption is a process that really tests your ideal of parenthood. The paper pregnancy endurance is not just the 9 month countdown. It is truly not knowing how many months or even years it will be. These days, giving birth through IA is an incredible pregnancy. The not knowing can become so heavy. I envy those that give physical birth – 9 months and it is done! But, that is not what I have been called to do. I have been called to create my family through adoption. I pray daily for strength and stamina.

For those of you that don’t know or understand the world of international adoption - over the past year, regardless of country, there have been extreme delays. Turning 9-12 months of wait into 2-3 years! The recent delays, with Russia’s MOE randomly giving the nod of approval for coveted accreditation to begging U.S. agencies, just add to the stress of this process. The back-n-forth banter of who will be accredited, who will make the grade, who will be approved - create OCD, obsessive compulsive disorders, in any waiting parent. The stress and the emotional weight this creates is HUGE. Imagine, trying to live life while governments decide when you can become a parent. It is such an overwhelming feeling of being out of control in the very basics of life, creating a family. Pre Adoptive Parents can do it for a few months, maybe even a year. But the 2+ years of wait literally add major paperwork-pregnancy weight to your emotional resolve. And, that is only the PAP side.

What about the other side? What happens to the precious children? The ones that slowly age out of the baby houses and children’s orphanages? Will they ever get the opportunity to receive a life-changing forever family? I know I am over simplifying. An objective third-party viewpoint is definately needed to put legal policies and regulations in place for the best interests of both parents and children. After all, we must remember, these children are Russia’s children, not our country’s responsibility. And, sometimes PAP are too close and emotional, wanting their case to be the exception. This pre-adoptive parent (for the 2nd time), is just trying to keep up on all the new information. Just trying to hang on! But, I secretly admit - yes, wanting to be the exception.

For any new PAP reading this, please understand this procreation process of IA is not for the faint of heart. You must be willing to commit to the process, regardless of the wait. Do the homework. I know many that couldn’t bear it and decided IA is not for them. I recommend, eyes wide open, please. But if you, like me, know this is where you are supposed to be and how you are supposed to create your family - the end does justify the means of the “wait”. From my personal experience, I know once you hold that precious child in your arms, the extremeness of the process and the weight disappear. I hang on to that priceless knowledge!

A PAP Mama enduring the “Wait” . . .