The Court Hearing . . . The BIG One!

Well, what an interesting day we had. I look back on it and I still can't really believe that it happened the way it did - - - So, NOT the way that I had envisioned it! So, NOT the way that I wanted to remember the milestone moment of the judge announcing me as Permanent Guardian of my daughter. But . . . nonetheless . . .

So, you all have asked what has happened - - - I really don't know exactly what went on in the court room during the court hearing because . . . I was not there! Yes, it ended up that I didn't attend at all. This was not at all my decision, in fact, had I known then what I know now, I would have demanded that I be taken straight away to the court plaza. "Others" decided for me that I shouldn't be there. For those that know me well, you would know that I prefer to make my own decisions and I prefer to be heard on my own terms, as a competent parent. I am not weak, but strong-willed when it comes to my children. I want to miss NOTHING in the adoption process. Because . . . my children have been adopted at a young age and I am the curator of the facts, I am the keeper of the milestone experiences, I am the story-teller as they grow into the knowledge of their adoption. I want to experience it ALL - - - for them! As you can tell, I have some strong emotions about missing this milestone court hearing. I will TRY to put it all into perspective and TRY to understand . . . however, right now I have a deep grief - - - I did not hear those precious words spoken by the judge!

It all started with a very, very hot day. There were many, many cases on the docket for the day. Our case-to-be-heard number was #45. This meant that we could possibly have the hearing today or possibly could not. In discussing this with Sadeem, at about 10:00 a.m., he said the judge was not "on his bench" yet for the day and it would depend on the judge. So, we were to wait at the guest house until further notice. At 2:00 p.m., I visited again with Sadeem by cell phone, Sadeem said the judge had just arrived and our case should be looked at first. Sadeem said he would call if the judge needed me. I heard that "IF" he mentioned, "if the judge needed me". I made it very, very clear to Sadeem that no matter what, I wanted to be in the court room when the attorney argued my case and the judge made the ruling. Sadeem mentioned that it was a very, very crowded day, "standing room only", and many people were standing waiting for their case to be heard by the judge. I again stated that I didn't care if I had to stand, I wanted to be in the court room during the hearing. Sadeem told me he would call me in 10 minutes to tell me when he would be on his way to the guest house to get us for the court hearing. Well, 10 minutes turned into an hour, then another hour . . . this was not unusual, since there was not guarantee the judge would hear our #45 case prior to the others in front of us. I called several times, but I couldn't reach Sadeem. Finally, at 4:00 p.m. I called and Sadeem answered. When I asked him when/if our case would be heard, he told me it was all over. Yes, ALL OVER!

My mind started to reel . . . at what I heard. When I asked WHY!!!, Sadeem told me that the judge decided I didn't need to give testimony and so, therefore, Sadeem decided that it was "too hot", "too crowded" and "too busy" for me to be present. Needless to say, I choked back the instant tears that immediately worked their way into my voice. I MISSED hearing the judge pronounce me as Permanent Guardian of Sweet Pea.

But . . . nonetheless . . . I AM officially Permanent Guardian of Sweet Pea! :)

As you can tell, I say this with bittersweet emotion - - there is grief in not having the first-hand-experience of the judge's ruling to share with my daughter one day. I have that for my son, Nicholas. I vividly remember the once-in-a-lifetime moment of the Russian judge looking at me and pronouncing the ruling of adoption. I remember vividly the actual moment I officially became the parent/mother of Artyom Victorovich/Nicholas Ivan. Not that both adoptions of my children should be the same, but I had always envisioned having that "moment" of official ruling locked in my memory for each of my children, to repeatedly share with them over and over as they need to hear their "story".

So, as is my nature in crisis management, I immediately went into action in making sure I had "something" from the BIG day. I asked Sadeem if there were transcripts of the court hearing . . . No. I asked him if there was anything that was recorded from the court hearing . . . No. I was again, taken to my knees. There is nothing that records court hearings in Pakistan? - - - No!

Later in the evening, Sadeem and I had a very long, endearing, heart-to-heart, candid decision on this issue. Sadeem now knows that he should not make decisions concerning the court proceedings for parents without asking first. And . . . I understand that he was trying his best, given the Pakistani court's chaotic system. He told me he based his decision on a previous single woman that adopted from Pakistan in April. She got tired of going to the court over and over again. Sadeem thought he was making a wise decision for me based on this single woman's experience. (I'm so not like her!) So, in his defense . . . I do understand the intent of his decision. And, in my defense . . . Sadeem now understands that the consequences of his actions can be devastating when he assumes he can make decisions for parents, especially single parents (which by Pakistani law can only be women). There will be those adoptive parents that see the court hearings as just a nuisance and a necessity to be tolerated, no need to be there unless absolutely required. And . . . there will also be those parents that savor every moment, every word, every experience that makes up their adoption journey to their child. I am one of THOSE parents.

So, now . . . I'm tending my wound . . . and I pray that God will help me work through this . . . help me to understand that International Adoption has so many heart-wrenching moments that just are out of a parent's control :). And most of all . . . I'm trying to understand that when I accepted my call to Pakistan, I also accepted all that goes with it, the uncertainties and the unknowns. To let go and know that God is in control, not me. I have to admit, this is very difficult for a very independent woman to swallow and humbly bow to. But, I also know that God looks down and sees my hurt, my pain . . . He will make a way!

I debated rather or not to publish this post - should I "tell it like it is?" Or, should I just keep it private for only my daughter to read one day? I decided that being "real in the midst of the process" is the appropriate message I should share and convey with other adoptive parents, in process. There are glorious moments of elation and there are heart-wrenching moments of disappointment - - that is International Adoption! And . . . the children are worth it all!

Love to ALL - from Pakistan!

~Hugs
Mama, Uppa D & Sweet Pea

Final Court Hearing . . . TODAY!

We have our final court hearing today, hopefully this morning. This is when the judge will finally, officially appoint me as Sweet Pea's Permanent Guardian! YEAH!

There should be no surprises, but let's keep prayerful thoughts :). This is just a formality and final stroke of the pen, so to speak. The judge already accepted the Deed of Adoption at the 2nd court hearing last Saturday (10/3/09). We just need to wait out the 10-15 day requirement from date of adoption petition (9/24/09) to final court ruling (10/8/09). The judge set it for 12 working/business days. This grace period is for any additional parties to have the opportunity to file a counter claim for permanent guardianship. There shouldn't be any other claims, at this point.

The judge will probably ask me a few questions about my family life and I may have to produce my original dossier documents, depending on his questioning. And . . . then again, he may not ask me for anything!

Then we should receive the official, final document granted me Permanent Guardianship of Sweet Pea. That document should be processed later today or possibility as late as tomorrow.

So, we are just waiting, waiting, waiting . . . again this morning to be called to court for the last and FINAL court hearing.

If you have a minute, please lift us up in prayer . . . (Thank you and much appreciated!)

Love to ALL

~Hugs
Mama, Uppa D & Sweet Pea

The Court Hearing . . . one step closer, but still waiting!

I'm sure everyone is anxious to hear about the court hearing from Saturday (10/3/09)? Well . . . we ARE one step closer to finally having a court ruling for Permanent Guardianship . . . but not completely there YET!

We were up early Saturday morning, bottles & diapers packed, ready to go by 8:15, per Sadeem's instructions! You see, we were #17 in line to be heard by the civil case judge, so that meant that we should have been heard very early in the morning. However, what I now know, but didn't know on Saturday is - Pakistani judges determine when they start hearing cases in the day. It can be early or mid day! It's just the way of the Pakistani court system! The judge for our civil court room, did not begin to hear cases until 11:00 a.m.! So, that meant every case scheduled for the early morning had to wait until he finally decided to "sit on the bench" around 11:00 a.m.

So, from 8:15 until 11:00 we waited and waited and waited for the judge! Finally, Sadeem came to the guest house around 10:00 to wait with us. Basically, we could wait at the guest house (just a 5 minute drive to the court plaza) or wait in the attorney's office. We opted to wait in the guest house (much cooler!). Finally around 11:00 the attorney called and Sadeem said "Let's move!" (something he says a lot LOL!)

Once we were in the court room, it was so interesting to watch all the cases as they came and went. The court room was a smallish room, but was packed with people - - Yes, you get used to the "smells"!. We were very near the top of the docket so we didn't really have to wait long, about 20 minutes. Everyone was staring at us, but we just took it all in stride. One very nice lady started a conversation with me and asked about the adoption, it was obvious to her that I was adopting a Pakistani child :). It somewhat surprised me that she would strike up a conversation with me since she was dressed in conservative Islamic dress (burqa) and of course, I was a very obviously white, uncovered female. It just goes to show you that people are interested in others no matter what the culture.

Anyway . . . our "number", #17, finally came up and the attorney motioned for me to follow him to approach the bench. The pastor (social worker for the orphanage) and b.father followed as well. The "Deed of Adoption" was presented and the judge asked if all parties were present. Once that was established, he said he accepted the deed of adoption. Then something I didn't quite understand happened . . . we had to go to the back of the court room where a court officer keyed into a computer each party's informaion - - all over again! The same information was registered in the very beginning on 9/24/09 when we filed our petition to adopt. I'm not sure why they had to have it all over again, but they did. (Obviously, the courts' computers are not "networked"!) This took probably around 30 minutes. New documents were printed and a new file was created from these printed documents.

After that, we left and returned to the attorney's office to wait for the judge's ruling. I was told I would have to appear again in front of him for the official ruling later in the afternoon. The judge would probably ask me some questions and may require me to produce some of my original dossier documents. So, we waited and waited and waited for the call back to court for the judge's ruling. But . . . after 3 hours, it never came. At 3:30 p.m. the judge's decision was to delay the ruling until 10/8/09, next Thursday.

The judge's reasoning for delay is . . . according to the 1890 child welfare law in Pakistan, the ruling of the court to appoint permanent guardianship has a required delay of 10-15 days from the date of the petition to adopt. Our petition to adopt was filed and registered 9/24/09. So, Thursday, 10/8/09 is 12 days from the date of when our petition was registered. Well within the 10-15 day requirement.

Even if we would have been able to go before the court on our "supposedly" expedited date of 9/29/09, this would have probably happened. The reason is - - this is an adoption of a Christian Pakistani child and the judge wants to make sure that every letter of the law is observed. I totally want that as well, every "t" crossed and every "i" dotted! So, we will wait for Thursday to go before the court, for the 3rd time, to obtain the official ruling!

Definitely - - one step closer and by week's end, we should have the Permanent Guardianship order of Sweet Pea!

What we will do in the meantime, so not to "while" away our days . . . Monday we will go to the US Embassy and begin the process of the visa. There is a long checklist of documents that the US embassy will need to validate and verify in order to issue Sweet Pea's visa. So, I'll meet with them on Monday to begin that document verification process. They can begin to verify the documents we have already (tax returns, birth cert, I-171H, etc.). Once the documents are verified (all except the court ruling order) all we will need to do is submit the Permanent Guardianship order received on 10/8 for verification and Sweet Pea's visa can be issued quickly. We have been told by the US Embassy this is the best way to do this and we are hoping this will utilize our time wisely and speed us through the visa process, even though we won't have the official court ruling of Permanent Guardianship order until later in the week.

Below are some pictures from the day's court process! Enjoy!

Sadeem, Sweet Pea & Mama waiting at the guest house for the judge to begin the day's cases. Waiting . . . waiting . . . waiting . . .


Mama & Sweet Pea in the parking lot of the court plaza. This is the closest we will ever get to taking a picture of "court" - - cameras are not allowed! :( . . .


The attorney's office . . .


The reception area of the attorney's office. Sweet Pea stratigically placed her hand over her face! :)

So . . . no worries! Small, minor hitches! We are still on track and schedule for returning home on 10/15/09! But, if something should happen unexpectedly, we will just extend our visas and change the back end of our return flights! All is completely manageable! After all . . . I have my baby girl and I know we will complete this process soon!

Love to ALL!

~ Hugs

Mama, Uppa D & Sweet Pea

Court Hearing is Continued . . .

Yesterday was a day of waiting, waiting and more waiting - for the court hearing. But, the court hearing for permanent guardianship did not happen as planned. There were over 200+ cases scheduled on the docket for the day. Our case was number 180+. The judge just did not get that far in the cases. So, the judge continued our case for 10/3 (yes, they work on Saturdays). My attorney called around 3;00 p.m. to finally give us the word. So, now we wait some more. The good news is, all continuation cases are taken 1st thing in the morning. So, we will definitely have a final ruling on the 3rd.

The entire court process has been rather confusing . . . and since I am the 1st for my agency (Lighthouse) to adopt from Pakistan, there have not been others before me to gather information from. So, I have been trying to piece together, as best I can with the language barrier, exactly how the legal process happens. Yesterday, Sadeem and I had a great deal of time to discuss the legalities of the process and now . . . after many persistent questions and Sadeem's patience with me, I think I finally understand . . .

"Adoption" in Pakistan means . . . Legal Guardianship

I have always known that we would leave Pakistan with an IR-4 adoption and legal guardianship, but with the confusing language of registering "2 cases", I thought there was a "Christian" side and a "Muslim" side (therefore two final documents, Christian & Muslim), and there is, in a sense! But, below is a summary of how the process actually works.

1. Registration of the Adoption - The adoption parent (PAP) must register their petition for adoption. All the documents must be in order from the adoptive parent(s)'s documents to the birth parent(s) documents. Once the documents are registered, the Magistrate will approve the petition and grant an Adoption DEED (I thought this was an adoption decree). The deed will have a case number assigned to it and it will then move forward to the court hearing for permanent guardianship. At the same time, the case can go before the judge for a assignment of a court date and publication notice.

Since Sweet Pea's caste (religion) is Christian, the adoption deed MUST specify that a Christian family is adopting her. This is the "Christian" vs "Muslim" side of the documents. I initially thought this document was only for Christian adoptions (therefore an adoption decree), but I have found out that it is a requirement for a Muslim child as well. If the child's caste is Muslim, then the deed would specify that a Muslim family must adopt.

2. Publication Notice - The case must be publicized at large for so many days (determined by the judge) in order for any other interested parties to contest the appointment of legal guardianship. This publication is usually ran in a Islamabad newspaper and can run any where between 3 - 10 days.

3. Court Hearing for Permanent Guardianship - Once the publication notice has been fulfilled, the court hearing can proceed. The judge appoints legal guardianship of the child. This is the legal document we receive after all the legalities are finished. Included with this final document are the adoption deed and copies of all the documents needed for registration process. This final document of legal guardianship is what is required by the US Embassy to obtain a visa for the child to leave Pakistan.

4. Passport - Required for a US visa. New photos of the child are required.

5. Visa - Required by the US Embassy for the child to leave the country.

We will leave Pakistan with an IR-4 adoption which means Sweet Pea will be a legal dependent and a US permanent resident.

6. Adoption Finalization - Once in the US, the final adoption is granted to establish parent/child relationship with all rights granted to the child.

Then, Sweet Pea will officially be . . . my DAUGHTER . . . although, I assure you, she already is! :)

7. US Citizenship - Once US adoption is finalized, we will apply for Sweet Pea's US Citizenship. Until that time, she will be a US permanent resident.

So, we are currently waiting at #3, trying to get through all the court proceedings. In the meantime, we will do what we can to continue moving the process forward. Today we will hopefully do the passport photos and hopefully the new medicals.

Sweet Pea has really grown since we have been here with her. She has definitely gained and is just doing great! She is all giggles and smiles (I love this age). She LOVES her bottle and lets you know (demands!) when she thinks she needs it! It is such a joy to take care of her. I'll be anxious to find out how much she weighs. I'm guessing . . . around 12 pounds.

I know it is hard to wait for pictures of my sweet baby girl, but I just don't feel comfortable publishing her picture until the court hearing is completed and we have all the legalities finished here in Pakistan. But, I definitely wanted to post a picture! So, below is a picture taken in the attorney's office once we were notified the adoption deed was granted!

Attorney (left), Sadeem (middle), Sweet Pea (in disguise!), and Mama (right)!

Love to ALL!

~Hugs

Mama, Uppa D & Sweet Pea

Court Hearing Today . . .

We were granted a Christian Adoption Decree (edited - Deed not Decree) on Friday (9/25). This is the Christian side only and very low key compared to today's (9/29) court hearing for the Islamic side. Court today is between 9:00 - 10:00 a.m. This is the "BIG ONE" case - Permanent Guardianship. This is in front of the Judge where I will probably be questioned.

I'm typing this listening to the Islamic call to prayers at 5:45 a.m. in Islamabad, Pakistan. It is a subtle reminder of where I am and that I'm a Christian in a Muslim world.

Please pray for divine guidance on my part, that the court hearing will go smooth & the process will move forward as planned.

It will be another HOT day outside in the Pakistani heat (have I mentioned lately how HOT it is here?). Pray for my little Sweet Pea that it will not be too uncomfortable for her (also for Mama & Uppa D! LOL!)

Truly everything so far has gone just great! No major hitches except for the "first time" through unknowns! It has been a wonderful experience & journey!

~Hugs!

Love to ALL!

Mama, Uppa D & Sweet Pea
(Uppa D says hello!)

We have an Adoption Decree (actually Deed)! . . .

Today was another court morning! Yesterday, we tried to file the petition for Christian adoption, but one of the witnesses was questionable, according to the registrar's office. So, we had to redo a witness for the birth parent affidavit. Once that was done yesterday, we were permitted to return this morning and finish registering the adoption. Once registered, we went in front of the court for the adoption decree approval.

This morning, 9/25/09, 11:30 a.m., the Pakistan Magistrate granted our Petition for Christian Adoption!

YEAH!!

Now, all that is left is to attend the court hearing for Permanent Guardianship on the 29th (Tuesday). Then we will have all the court proceedings finished! All the legalities will be completed and a wonderful outcome of a favorable decision from the courts.

One interesting experience we had this morning - All the court officials were shocked by my age. They couldn't believe I am as close to 50 as I am (48 in Nov). It was so fun to see the look on their faces as I pulled out my passport for confirmation. I guess the women in Pakistan are considered "old" when they reach 50 and are considered past the point of being productive! LOL! They thought it was amazing that I am taking on an infant at my age, unheard of in their culture! Anyway, it was a great ice breaker with all the "men" in the court room! I was the only woman amongst about 15 men (it takes a small army to do a Christian adoption in Pakistan!). My attorney thought it was so funny - He had asked Uppa D what his age was on Wednesday night when we first met at the attorney's office. So, the attorney proceeded on to tell the court officials this morning that my traveling companion was 60, they were shocked again. Uppa D and I just looked at each other and laughed and said "We must be living right!"

Below is my right thumb - The purple ink stain is very significant. With every signature I signed over the last 2 days, I had to place my fingerprint next to my signature. It seemed I signed and signed and signed. And, my thumb became more and more and more purple with each signature (they make you reload with the purple ink for each signature/fingerprint!). It is going to take a while for this to wear off, LOL! I'm sure I will have to do this again on the 29th after the court hearing for permanent guardianship. I will so gladly wear this as a reminder of the court process we are working through for Sweet Pea to become my daughter. As far as I'm concerned, it could stay permanent! So, here I'm giving the "thumbs up" that we have an Adoption Decree granted, with my purple thumb, of course!!!
,

We are definitely more relaxed now that this piece of the court proceedings is finished and completed. This afternoon will be napping and then we will probably be able to go to the store and shop for a few items that we need. YEAH, the outside world again!

Love to all!

Mama, Uppa D & Sweet Pea!